Figuring Out WHY You Keep Messing Up In Reaching Your Goals
Do you ever feel like you don't have enough courage or confidence to go for your business goals? So many online entrepreneurs who want to make a difference in the world struggle with this. The tricky part? If the lack of courage is holding you back permanently, if you keep procrastinating on important tasks.
Or if you know deep down that you could have more impact if you had more confidence.
That's why it's important to understand the root cause of this feeling, especially if it keeps messing up your life.
Uncovering the hidden reasons why you doubt yourself or why you feel less confident than you'd like to can be crucial to your progress. Let’s shine a light on the origins of these feelings.
We're not just talking surface-level stuff; we're digging deep. I'll show you real examples that might resonate with you. By the end of reading this post you'll understand the root causes of why you experience insecure thoughts. (BTW We all do!)
But here's the thing: it's not just about knowing stuff. I’ve got the tools to take action. You won't just get why you feel the way you do; you'll know how to start changing it. Head over to the practical guide on how to overcome past programming to boost high ticket sales confidence.
Ready to turn on the light and understand what's been holding you back? Let's dive in and boost your confidence together.
Persistent Procrastination Can Be Caused By Insecurity
The average American feels insecure five times a day, new research has found.
If your feelings of inadequacy keep persisting and you can’t seem to take action it’s time to look at some root causes.
Heads up, if you…
Avoid public speaking
Hide on social media
Procrastinate on launching your program
Procrastinate on asking for collaborations
Put off PR to get some press
Avoid industry events
Etc
If an obscure insecurity prevents you from taking action in your business, you may have to rip out the root of this insecurity. This might be more effective than just fixing the symptoms.
Do You Have An Action Problem?
Let’s face it. If there's a stubborn limiting belief involved then no well-meaning comment ‘just do it already!’ will get you going. Especially if you keep procrastinating because of a deep seated sense of insecurity. You want to address the negative thoughts at the root to heal the lack of confidence.
You need to understand why you're feeling insecure and what you need to do to address it. This will help you make the necessary changes to reach your desired outcome.
Learn Why You're Feeling Insecure And What You Can Do About It
It’s like tending to a garden. You prepare the soil, plant the seeds, water and later on harvest the crops. Enjoy the fruits of your labour, right? Sure there’s some weeds but they can often be managed by just superficially snipping them off, right?
This won’t always work. More often than not you have to remove the root of the weed. To make sure a stubborn weed doesn’t keep coming up you’ll have to dig and take out the root. Otherwise the weed will continue to sprout and ruin your garden. Removing the root is the only way to ensure the problem doesn’t keep coming back.
It's important to take action now and take care of the root problem before it gets out of hand. Only then can you grow new plants and design a lush garden. So ready to erase root issues? To make this really easy for you, read on and find out what kind of roots to look out for.
14 Reasons For Low Self Esteem: Common Life Events, And Circumstances Affecting Your Self-Perception
Understanding the factors shaping your self-confidence is crucial for personal growth. Let's explore the common life events, and circumstances that can negatively impact your sense of self. We'll categorise them into childhood influences of insecurity and ongoing life influences. This list of short examples is not exhaustive but they will paint the picture. They're examples of how past programming can cause negative self talk and limiting beliefs.
Early Years’ Influences On Self-Perception
1 - PERSISTENT PUNISHMENT
The way you see yourself can become skewed after experiencing systematic punishment in childhood. Being disciplined and punished frequently may lead children to believe that they’re inherently flawed or deserving of negativity.
Example: S. grew up in a household where discipline was strict and consistent. Any deviation from the rules resulted in punishment. This environment ingrained in her the belief that she was flawed. Getting everything wrong. Today, even minor mistakes trigger a deep sense of inadequacy, bringing up the constant fear of punishment of her childhood.
I am doing something wrong I am wrong I am bad I am flawed I deserve negativity
2 - BEING OR FEELING IGNORED
Experiencing neglect as a child can create feelings of unworthiness and insignificance. The absence of emotional connection and support can make you believe that you aren’t important. If you were ignored growing up, it might lead you to think that your feelings and needs don't matter
Example: D. experienced emotional neglect. His parents were physically there, but emotionally distant, leaving her feeling invisible. The lack of emotional connection made her believe that his needs and feelings didn't matter. Now she struggles to express herself, convinced that what she feels is not important.
My needs and feelings don't matter I am not important I am invisible
3 - FACING ABUSE
Facing childhood abuse, whether physical, emotional, or verbal, can leave lasting scars on self-perception. Enduring such mistreatment may create a belief that you're fundamentally flawed or undeserving of love and respect. Being mistreated as a child can stick with you, creating a perception that you're not worthy of love and respect.
Example: E. endured emotional abuse growing up, subjected to constant criticism and belittling. This mistreatment left her with a belief that she was fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love. In her adult relationships, she tolerates mistreatment, convinced that healthy relationships are beyond her reach.
I am fundamentally flawed I am undeserving of love and respect
4 - NOT MEETING YOUR PARENTS' EXPECTATIONS
Falling below the expectations set by your parents can bring a sense of inadequacy. This may lead to the belief that you aren't capable or valuable. If you didn't meet your parents' expectations, you might feel like you're not good enough.
Example: M. couldn’t live up to her parents' high expectations. Despite excelling in many areas, she felt incapable and undervalued and doubted her abilities and worth. The persistent feeling of never being good enough influenced her career choices and relationships.
I am not capable I am not valuable I am not good enough
5 - NOT MEASURING UP TO PEER GROUP STANDARDS
Unfavourable comparisons to friends and schoolmates can contribute to feelings of inferiority. Such comparisons may lead to a belief that you as a person are less competent or worthy. You may not be able to shake the feeling that you fall short.
Example: Growing up, C. constantly compared herself to her high-achieving peers, feeling inferior and less competent. These early comparisons created a belief that she was inherently less worthy. She now battles imposter syndrome, doubting his accomplishments and fearing discovery.
I am less than I am not good enough
6 - BEARING THE BRUNT OF OTHERS' STRESS OR DISTRESS
Being at the receiving end of a volatile family dynamic can create feelings of intimidation. Taking on the stress or distress of those around you may leave you on edge, and make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all day.
Example: E. always played the role of the peacemaker in her family, absorbing the blazing rows of her parents. Being constantly on the lookout not to trigger the next argument left her feeling guilty and anxious. She avoids conflict and has not developed boundaries as she has overcompensated not to set off her parents.
I must appease others It’s not safe to argue This is my fault
7 - TAKING ON OTHERS' PROBLEMS
Being a constant source of support for others can impact your self-perception. Taking on the stress of those around you may instil a belief that you and your needs are not as important. You may not be able to develop a strong personality because you’re caught up in helper’s syndrome.
Example: From a young age D. has been a caretaker for her family member. This constant support for others stopped her getting clear about her own needs, and it created a belief that her needs were secondary. In her personal life, she struggles to prioritise herself, feeling guilty when focusing on her well-being.
I am not importantMy needs are secondary to others
8 - BELONGING TO A FAMILY OR SOCIAL GROUP SUBJECTED TO PREJUDICE
The prejudice you face as a member of a family or social group can affect your identity. Experiencing discrimination may lead to a belief that you're inferior or not good enough. This can have long-term effects on a person's self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being. It can also lead to feelings of isolation and depression.
Example: Growing up in a community facing discrimination, A. internalised a sense of inferiority. The prejudice his family endured shaped his identity, leading her to believe she was not good enough.
I am inherently inferior I am unworthy
9 - MISSING THE POSITIVE
Growing up without praise, affection, warmth, or even interest, can create a void in your self-esteem. This deprivation may instil a belief that you’re undeserving of positive attention or affection.
Example: R. lacked positive interactions growing up. The absence of praise and warmth created a void in her self-esteem, making her feel undeserving of happiness. In relationships, she hesitates to make a connection, convinced she doesn't deserve positive attention.
I am undeserving of positive attention or affectionI am unworthy
10 - ODD ONE OUT AT HOME
Feeling like you're the odd one out in your family can affect your self-perception. It may lead you to think that you're fundamentally different and not acceptable.
Example: Growing up feeling like the odd one out in her family, M. struggled to connect with her siblings. This sense of otherness shaped her self-perception. In adulthood, she hesitates to open up and join in in social situations. This is because she fears being rejected from the tribe due to her perceived differences.
I am fundamentally different I am unacceptable I am not welcome
11 - FEELING DIFFERENT AT SCHOOL
Similarly, standing out as the odd one at school can make you feel isolated and inadequate. This may create a belief that you do not fit societal norms. You might even feel like you don't fit in anywhere.
Example: J. had always been the odd one out at school. This sense of not fitting in haunted her, and has an effect on her social interactions. She still experiences a lingering fear of not being accepted. This means she often holds back in social settings to avoid potential judgement.
I don't fit in I don’t belong
Past and Present Life Influences
12 - INTIMIDATION OR BULLYING
Experiencing intimidation or bullying can have a lasting impact on self-esteem. It may bring on a belief that you’re not safe and not valued.
Example: R. endured bullying in school, which left a lasting impact on her self-esteem. Constant verbal attacks and intimidation created a belief that she was not safe. Belittling made her feel not valued in her school environment. This experience has shaped the way she now relates to other people.
I am not safe I am not valued Others are out to get me I can't trust anyone
13 - ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Being involved in abusive relationships can deeply affect self-perception. Such experiences may lead to a belief that you deserve mistreatment or that healthy relationships are unattainable for you. It can mess with your self-esteem, making you question your judgement.
Example: M. found herself in an emotionally abusive relationship, where she was constantly demeaned and mistreated. This experience deeply affected his self-perception, leading her to believe she deserved such treatment.
I deserve mistreatment Healthy relationships are unattainable for me
14 - DEALING WITH CONSISTENT STRESS
Persistent stress or hardship can wear down self-confidence. Enduring challenges may tire even the strongest person out – creating a belief that they aren't strong enough. It might make you think that you can't persist in the face of difficulties or that success is unachievable. It can wear down your confidence, making you feel like you can't handle things.
Example: H. faced persistent stress and hardship throughout adulthood, causing a gradual erosion of her self-confidence. Enduring various life challenges, she developed a belief that success was unattainable. Navigating these difficulties, Haley works on rebuilding her confidence and adapting a more resilient mindset.
I am weak I can’t do it
15 - EXPOSURE TO TRAUMATIC EVENTS AND GOING THROUGH TRAUMA
Encountering traumatic events can reshape your worldview. Such experiences may lead to a belief that the world is unsafe. And it can contribute to heightened anxiety and a negative self-image.
Example: After experiencing a traumatic event, J's worldview shifted, leaving her with a pervasive sense of anxiety and insecurity. The trauma contributed to a belief that the world is inherently unsafe. Through therapy and support, J. strives to reshape this perspective and regain a sense of security in their life.
I am not safe The world is not safe
You can regain control over your self-perception by understanding these influences. By recognizing the situations that may have affected you, you can start healing the underlying negative belief.
So how come these events, so long ago, still influence how we operate in the present day?
Every life experience can create a conclusion, belief, or judgement about ourselves. Often these are negative conclusions, making us feel low. Let's call these conclusions limiting beliefs.
These limiting beliefs represent a core perception we have of ourselves, and they live at the heart of low self-esteem. They can often be expressed in a simple sentence, starting with the words, 'I am...'
And as you’ve seen above, limiting beliefs often hurt. We want to protect ourselves from experiencing this hurt. That’s why we avoid setting off or triggering those limiting beliefs in us. We stuff them away and avoid anything that could wake the limiting belief. We avoid situations where the belief might be triggered.
Say you believe 'I’m worthless’. In a business context you might steer clear of asking for the sale. Why? To prevent the possibility of losing and experiencing feelings of worthlessness.
And another way how low confidence in business plays out:
If you feel ‘not enough’ you might avoid comparing yourself with others. You might avoid witnessing and celebrating others’ successes on social media.
If you feel unsafe you might feel compelled to hide to protect and shield yourself from perceived threats or dangers. In business, this could translate into a hesitation to show up on social media or speak up during an event.
You can see how these limiting beliefs are going to be a massive problem getting ahead in business.
Especially if they tempt you to avoid:
Being visible in your business,
Being the face of your brand
Showing up in your business
Being vulnerable
Speaking up
Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling like a fraud
Feeling unwelcome
Feeling timid
Feel you can’t relate
Etc
A Confidence Problem Causing An Action Problem
It's time to tackle this if you can't shake the feeling of insecurity, and if you avoid certain situations because of it.
You want to check out the root of the problem and start healing it. You’ve just learned about some examples of life experiences that can bring on low confidence. And you’ve seen why they result in low confidence. You’re well equipped.
Knowing the root of the problem can help you start a course of action to fix it once and for all.
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