Why Do I Feel So Awkward?

Feeling apprehensive in certain situations is a normal part of being human. Whether it's going on a date, giving a presentation at work, or making small talk at a social gathering, nerves can come into play. We're alive, of course we feel a charge.

For many people however, social interactions can cause apprehension. And if left unchecked, they spin a web of fear and doubt, and leave you with the constant feeling of being judged. This is known as social anxiety, previously termed social phobia. Recognising it is the first step towards stopping it from shrinking our lives.

Is This ‘Normal’ Or Is It Social Anxiety Disorder?

Approximately 80-85% of adults consider themselves shy, but they're not showing this shyness and the tension it causes. So, if you feel shy at times, know that you're not alone!

Part of being human is to experience an emotional charge in social situations. Whether it’s a strong charge or not, we have choices about how to handle it. We can let the emotion pass and move through it, or retreat, labelling ourselves 'awkward' and 'socially inept'. Sometimes, social interactions can provoke intense emotions, crossing the threshold into social anxiety. This is when fear and doubt linger, affecting your quality of life.

The Impact of Social Anxiety

Around 22% of UK university students report feelings of social anxiety. It affects both men and women but is more common among women. Social anxiety disorder can severely disrupt daily activities, relationships, confidence, work, and school.

How Social Phobia Shrinks Our Life: Common Avoidances

People with social anxiety often avoid:

• Applying for better or more fulfilling jobs due to fear of interviews.
• Accepting promotions because the idea of leading team meetings is daunting.
• Social gatherings where they might see unfamiliar faces.
• Asking someone they fancy for a date out of fear of rejection.

This avoidance can lead to feelings of missing out in life, and feelings of self loathing. These are often numbed and this is where addictions and compulsive behaviours can come in, such as gambling, risk seeking, emotional eating, alcohol, or drugs, which of course only compound the problem.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

Physical Symptoms

Your nervous system might be on high alert::

• Stammering or stuttering.
• Heart racing or palpilations
• Digestive system issues.
• Nausea.
• Breathing difficulties.
• Dizziness.
• Shaking.
• Tension in muscles.
• Blushing.
• Sweating.
• Mindblank.

Emotional Symptoms

You might experience ‘negative’ emotions, for example:

• Worry about appearing anxious.
• Tension when talking to strangers.
• Anxious about embarrassing yourself.
• Resentment towards those who seem more socially adept.
• Rejected from feeling left out.
• Fear of being judged negatively.
• Stress about eating in front of others.
• Isolation because no one is speaking to you.
• Shame for not being ‘perfect’.
• Annoyed with yourself for not speaking up.
• Embarrassment because others might be watching.
• Impatience with your social skills.
• Feeling envious or inferior.

Behavioural Symptoms

Your avoid triggering situations, for example:

• Procrastination on anxiety-inducing tasks.
• Inability to participate in public events.
• Avoiding social situations or new people.
• Overthinking about future social encounters.
• Fear of interacting with strangers or acquaintances.
• Paralysis to public speaking.
• Resistance to engage with authority figures.
• Avoiding eye contact.
• Hiding on social media.
• Shielding with headphones, hats, or sunglasses.
• Excessive use of electronic devices for comfort.
• Shrinking, insecure body language.
• Avoiding small talk and introductions.
• Not answering calls and messages.
• Refraining from attending events or meetings.
• Reluctance to disagree or assert yourself.
• Ruminating past social interactions.
• Avoiding phone use in public.

The Cycle: Avoidance > Short Term Relief > More Avoidance Next Time

Avoiding anxiety-triggering situations might offer short-term relief, but it often reinforces the anxiety in the long run. Avoidance feels comforting initially, but over time, it can lead to regret and low self esteem for missing out on opportunities for growth. If you avoid anxiety inducing situations you miss the opportunity to prove to yourself that ‘You Got This’.

Treatment for Social Anxiety Disorder

The NHS recommends cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) as a primary treatment for social anxiety disorder. The core idea is to face your fears directly. By entering anxiety-triggering situations and staying with the discomfort, you’ll find that the anxiety decreases over time. This exposure helps you realise that your worst fears often don’t materialise, and you’re capable of handling social interactions.

What If ‘Just Doing It’ Isn’t Enough: The Role of Hypnotherapy

If facing your fears on your own feels overwhelming, hypnotherapy can be an effective tool. Hypnotherapists use various techniques to help you uncover the root causes of your social anxiety and guide you through imagined scenarios in a safe environment. This process helps embed new, confident beliefs, preparing you for real-world interactions.

Studies have shown that adding hypnosis to CBT significantly enhances treatment outcomes. As a hypnotherapist, I can help you overcome social anxiety by providing personalised support and strategies. If you’d like to learn more about how we can work together, please reach out by emailing [email protected]

With understanding and the right support, you can conquer social anxiety and embrace the full, confident life you deserve.